Cuivis dolori remedium est patientia.
My Latin is rusty, but those words roughly translate to “Patience is the cure for all suffering.“. My slave knows that she sometimes frustrates me, just as I frustrate her. Frustration can stem from a lot of sources, most of the time it is lack of understanding why I expect her to act in a certain way. Education is an essential part of any BDSM relationship, you need to be able to share your doubts and fears so that a topic may be resolved. To be able to do so you need to feel comfortable.
Change and Guarantee
Human beings are creatures of comfort. We like to feel at home in an environment we understand well and have gotten used to. It allows us to anticipate and understand well what is expected and thus makes us less prone to failure. Whenever someone tries to introduce change into an established environment you also introduce uncertainty. No one likes uncertainty and with the amount of personal emotion involved your slave likes uncertainty even less. When you introduce new rules, when you make changes you need to ensure that your slave feels safe prior to doing so.
Patience…
Knowing that there is room for mistakes and especially the knowledge that these mistakes will be met with patience are an important tool to create the safety needed prior to introducing changes. When the likelihood to “fail”, as she tries something new, becomes suddenly close to zero, she is more willing to try. Whatever she is going to see as a result will be accepted as a valid attempt and it will reinforce that she can continue trying, getting better each time.
We naturally make mistakes, making mistakes is a huge part of our learning process. You do not have to trust me on this, simply got to the
Education Resources Information Center and search for the keyword mistakes.
Avoiding mistakes slows our learning process down, tolerating mistakes by being patient will allow your slave to progress much more easily into a state of mind where she will want to no longer fail or make mistakes.
The Need To Please…
My basic assumption always is that you slave loves nothing more than to please you. I know that mine does and I know she does love to please me because there are emotions involved, because she feels safe, because she values my patience and above all she is proud. There is nothing better than pride to motivate a slave into success. Pride can be fostered by first allowing her to not be perfect, to not succeed right away and this can be achieved by being considerate and patient in your responses. A well tempered and measured response will reinforce the security needed to push limits and to learn and embrace new sensations or techniques.
Infinity…
My patience might appear to be infinite at times, but even mine will run out sooner or later. You will need to make a conscious decision when it is enough. My rule of thumb is very simple. Once I feel that my slave understands what I am trying to achieve, once we have established that she is physically capable of doing so and once I can be sure that she feels there will be no harm coming to her from the introduced change my patience starts to thin. I will allow for some mistakes being made, but I expect those mistakes to become less frequent and less severe over time. Once I feel a change has become a well established procedure my patience stops. My slave knows very well that I will never repeat myself for well established rules and she understands that there are consequences when she fails to satisfy well established procedures.
No Failure Policy
In summary of what I mentioned above I have a no failure policy. My slave cannot fail me as long as she tries her best. I will always give her the benefit of the doubt and assume that she does try her best. If she did not, then our relationship would be suffering already very badly. Since she is always trying her best and amount of mistakes made will decrease, she can always rest assured that she is pleasing me and not failing me. This additional knowledge allows her to feel safe, even when she doubts herself and makes it easier for me to guide her past her limits. Do not let your slave think that she is failing you, it will break her heart and a broken heart does not serve well. If you are interested, you can read about this topic from my slave’s point of view.