I have to apologise. I have been absent for a long time and dedicated a lot of my time to other things than keeping my web-log up to date. Today I wish to rectify this by trying to explain how I perceive my dominance
Who I am
Developed in Japan between the Heian and Tokugawa Ages (9th-12th century), Bushido emerged as a code for Samurai. I believe many of the key elements are important to understanding how to perceive ones own dominance. Apart from the many elements explained much better in the link above there are seven key principles:
- Gi taking the right decision, with equanimity, the right attitude, the truth. Rectitude.
- Yu bravery, almost heroism
- Jin benevolence
- Rei the essential quality, courtesy
- Makoto truthfulness
- Melyo glory and honour
- Chugo devotion and loyalty.
I relate to those key principles as they reflect very well who I am trying to be. I think they can be true for anyone, but they help even more when you take on responsibility for another being in your life, such as a Master/slave relationship usually develops into. I did not arrive at being who I am through learning what this lifestyle has to offer and then making a conscious decision whether I wanted to be submissive or dominant. I simply drifted into it and found out very quickly that I am not suited to be on the receiving end.
My Dominance
The way I react in my everyday life is not governed by a learned behaviour. I react almost always unconsciously to my slave and the environment I am in, usually people will perceive this as dominant behaviour. My dominance stems from an inbred fear of loosing control. There is nothing more terrifying to me than to surrender control over my physical existence to another person. I do not show compulsive behaviours nor do I come across as a control freak, but this built in fear or needing to control my own destiny is what makes me effective at being a dominant person. I like to control the environment I am in and I like to make conscious decision of how I distribute not only my trust in a third party, but what I am willing to have them do to me. Therefore I am very conscious about my privacy and what people do with my personal data, I am very passionate about my employer and how that environment treats me and I am of course very conscious and passionate when it comes to my slave and what she is allowed to control while being in my presence or away from me. Most of my time is spent making decisions on how to give up control, what I can be happy with when I am not in charge. Most of that happens automatically, is very dependant on the situation but sometimes I have to take a step back and make that decision consciously. I believe that is a key element in identifying how much your own dominance means to you, how ingrained it is or whether your dominance is a choice, something you learned to apply to a certain situation. My dominance is not a choice to me, it is who I am, it defines me.
Strength and Dominance
I have never related physical strength to my dominance. What you will often find in a sadistic relationship, between a sadist and a true masochist, is that dominance is mainly or mostly, expressed through physical action. If I am strong enough to tie you up, restrain you, use you in a physical manner, that then means that I am more dominant than you are. I think that is a very special case of interaction and I think it is valid in such situation. One should never infer from that, that the ability to physically punish someone makes them automatically dominant. Often a release in control will signify best when you are being most dominant. A very simple example would be, when you make the decision to buy a coffee or not your slaves decision. If she knows that you dislike her intake of coffee, because you believe that it damages her body, which you consider yours, she will most likely not choose to have a coffee, but drink something else. In expressing a freedom of choice, I still dominated her decision making process. This has little to do with my physical capability of handling her flesh. Ferociousness and determination can easily outweigh physical size or what we are capable of doing with our muscle’s power.
Punishment and Dominance
Imagine yourself in a situation where you think that punishment is necessary, because your slave did not act in a certain way. Can you imagine yourself punishing her without being physical at all. Can you imagine to punish her without con-sequencing her in a tit-for-tat manner?The way you choose to punish can tell you a lot about the inner workings of your dominance. This is true for me, I do not know whether it applies to everyone else, I have to make that assumption. Any type of punishment can be seen a failure to exert your dominance over your partner or slave or even a given situation that you are in. If you choose to look at a quick fix, you will usually opt for a physical punishment, which will inflict pain and thus allow the receiver to quickly draw a conclusion that her decision might have not been the smartest. However such capital punishment is usually ineffective, because the long term learning effect is questionable. I feel that true dominance, if there even is such a thing, stems from the ability to pacify your emotions, exert self-control and analyse what the best course of action might be. Incidentally these virtues are also two you will find in Bushido.
In Conclusion
I would like to make a request. After reading this little article, ask yourself how much of what I experience on a daily basis applies to you and then decide whether you are dominant or whether you are trying to be dominant. I would not want anyone to desperately try to be something they are not. Some things come to you very easily, others can be learned and some take a long time to learn and only determination can get you there. One thing is for sure though, if you lack the talent to be a great skier you will never become the next Hermann Maier. I believe that every slave deserves a great Master and someone that embraces his Dominance every day, trying to understand it better with every passing hour. Ask yourself, can you be that person?