I have always been a fan of Massive Attack and the music they pro­duce, lately I keep listen­ing to a song over and over again, it is called I Against I. While the song is not only part of the movie Blade II it is also a good reflec­tion on the eternal struggle with your inner enemy, with your doubts and the strength within wich needs to be bal­anced against the exposed, weak and much more sheltered side of a human being.

Rock In The Sea

I split waves and I stand tell in the most vicious of storms I will always be my slave’s rock, someone that she can cling onto. Tat does not mean that the sea does not eat away at me. I have to struggle and fight the meta­phor­ical sea every day. I struggle to fight against myself, to bal­ance the scale, for I am not infallable. There are times when I feel weak, little and help­less, even tough it might only be for a split second.

Expos­ing my weak­ness is some­thing I con­sider to be my strongest point, I know that I can­not be a reculse, somone that lives without the help of oth­ers. I f I had no psy­cho­lo­gical out­let for my feel­ings if I could not let go now and then I would con­sider myself to be patho­lo­gic­ally sick I would seek counceling. Your slave expects you to be the rock, be the rock, but acknowedlge that even the rock gets battered by the power of life

Sur­render

My prop­erty knows that I am depend­able, I have shown her over and over again, but because we are not simply see­ing each other now and then for play­time, but have a rela­tion­ship, I need to be able to share my fears, my doubts and my moments of weak­ness with her. There is o room for male hero­ics here. If I am not emo­tion­ally sound, how I am I expec­ted to deal with her emo­tional needs, espe­cially dur­ing times where I aim to push the lim­its of what she has given to me so far?

I can only urge each one of you not to con­fuse the abil­ity to be strong with the abil­ity to deny, blindly so, when you are feel­ing unwell, when you are eotion­ally stressed or plain in need of a hug, love and caring understanding.

”The greatest weak­ness of all is the great fear of appear­ing weak” — Jacques Benigne Bossuel

It is imper­at­ive for your own san­ity to heed those words, for in the very appear­ance of your weak­ness lies a strength that is not be to triffled with.

Her Sup­port

When I feel that I need somone that listens to me, when I feel that I want to hide away from the world, and believe me I have had those ind of feel­ings often over the past two, bumpy years, I just remind myself that I am guarded by an army of one. I am guarded by a force which makes the SAS or Navy Seals look like a bunch of Boy Scouts, I have my slave. Not because she knows how to shoot soone at 500 yards or because she can rig a block of C4 is se a force not to be triffled with, but because her ded­ic­a­tion and devo­tion to my hap­pi­ness will allow her to go past what human endur­ance is. I know that I can close my eyes, fall back­wards and there will be somone to catch me. That is my return on invest­ment, that is my secur­ity blanket.

If I did not let go now and then I would put myself into a pos­i­tion where I could com­prom­ise that gift and when it is never used, it is for­got­ten one day. I can­not afford that to hap­pen, even though I am usu­ally a happy guy, life does not always turn out to be fair, or some­thing that makes you smile constantly.

Con­clu­sion

Being in a rela­tion­ship and own­ing a slave do not leave much room for testosteron filled, male hero­ics. If you can­not see the power of being weak, then you are not a strong man in my eyes. If you can­not under­stand that your slave some­times needs to feel needed as a woman, as your care­taker as well, then you will never be able to bal­ance the scale of yoru own san­ity, the needs of a doin­ant indi­vidual and the devo­tion of your slave.