How To Unleash The Bastard In Me
Those of you who read my slave’s wonderful web-site will be quite aware that she has been progressing nicely and that we have had a lovely time together in Toronto. Not all of it was spent doing things that she cherishes or actually craves in the first place, but all of them seem to have brought our relationship forward.
I am confronted with a sentence that goes a little bit like this more often than less:
That is not fair, Master!
Looking at the situations in hindsight in which that sentence was used, I would say that was a fair (ha ha ha) assessment of the situation.
The relationship that we lead is not about me being fair, about me balancing my slave’s wishes and needs perfectly, our relationship is about what I want, what I need, what I allow to happen and sometimes that does not need to be fair. Before all of the slightly feministicly tinged readers of my blog now go into anaphylactic shock let me add that I am not an abusive male on a power trip. I will never let harm come to my slave, be that physical or mental. I work hard to create an environment in which she can feel safe, in which she can grow, unfortunately that means I demand payment as well.
I expect my slave to support me by trusting me enough to surrender her wishes to me, so that I can make them my own. I might choose not to make them my own, I might choose to discard them or I might choose to generate a situation where only my wishes win out and yet I will always have her best interest just as much in mind as I have mine.
I own everything that my slave is, down to the very last fibre of her body, just as much as I own such privileges as sleeping, eating, drinking even breathing. That might sound a little bit harsh to those not necessarily into total power exchange, but that is how we choose to lead our lives.
That does not work always and sometimes my slave gets scared, which then creates those little bumps in the road, where she growls a little bit, stomps her foot, gets mad at me and then finally realises that she is safe and that there is no harm in me having that additional bit of control. Those can be little things like the mantra she mentioned or slightly bigger things like the rectal dilator kit. She knows it will do no damage to her, she knows I will never allow her flesh to take permanent damage, but in her mind she never wanted to own one of those vicious things and now I made her do it. How dare I? I dare, because I can.
We have a well established pattern to our relationship and I am used to meeting resistance when it comes to the bigger things that need to be embraced, such as her liking to be my little girl, my pretty doll. I have invested enough time into our relationship though so that I now may discard the little fears, the little bumps. When it comes to buying toys, completing simple tasks, I will not accept no anymore than I have in the past. I think my slave knows that and in general she obeys very well, however that little bastard in me needs to be present now and then. That is one aspect of being a Master to me, that it is about what I want, not her. That my wishes do come first and that her gift of servitude allows her to accept that, because no other woman would and I accept that as a true gift to me.
I am quite capable of separating the two entities of loving my partner with all my heart and owning my slave. I will not let love come between me and my slave when it comes to giving her the best possible Master. I do believe that being harsh, unforgiving, downright cruel and unfair sometimes can convince a human being to go the extra mile, to push through it, to hate for a moment and simply do it. Hopefully it is simply about finding the right balance.
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As a submissive female i can honestly say that i firmly believe if a slave has the right Master for her then more often then not the Master knows what is best for the slave far better than she does. A true submissive’s nature is to make others happy and therefore often they simply cannot see what is in their best interests. Thanks for sharing this post and more power to you! *pun intended*
~viemoira
Master
Your journal speaks volumes and as I read it I could definitely feel some laughter peeking through the corners of my mouth for I do know I stomp my feet and growl sometimes just like a little chihuahua — feisty but easily controlled.
I love You Master and I do trust You but as You know, sometimes I need a little extra reassurance.
Always,
~Your grace
As a slave, i would rather my Master be stricter with me than lenient. He does know what is best for me. Sometimes, i push the envelope to see if He will let it slide or if He will discipline me. There have been times (early in our relationship) that He would let things slide. i need someone who will be strong enough to put me in my place. i could never serve a man who was too weak to hold me in check.
i do not see your demeanor as abusive at all. i am happy that you are strong enough to care for your slave the way she ought. She is a really intelligent and beautiful woman with a very big heart. You are both very lucky to have each other.
jerusha
you are very generous with your compliments, thank you. You humble me with your expressions.
I too have always required a strong, dominant partner. I need someone who will “put me in my place” yet always respect and love me.
Master waited for me to ask for more, to ask for a firm hand and less lenient expectations. I was a willful slave and to some degree, still am. I did not bend gently like a willow tree, I definitely was that old oak one, almost unwilling to move. Thankfully Master has patience and does love me exceptionally so and has guided me and encouraged me to the point where I ask now for more rules, more restrictions, more guidelines.
I must agree with you jerusha, I am very lucky to have found him.
In warmth,
~His grace
It may sound ironic, but there are times that I am so caught up in training or using my Slave that I actually forget to allow myself pleasure, to follow my own desires; the focus is so clearly on her development and training or pleasure. In these times I fall into a ‘teacher’ mode where the slave/pupil is the focus, and ‘my wishes’ are transformed into a series of sensual and sexual experiences primarily designed with her pain or pleasure in mind. In a word, I lose myself in her. It is this empathic bond that transforms me, attracts me.
Of course there are times when really, its all about me.
Thanks for the blog(s). They are endlessly fascinating.
M.
Master of Venice
I so often feel selfish because Master gives selflessly to me all the time and so rarely permits me to give more.
I believe it is easy to become lost in another persons pleasure. Especially when we love that someone.
In warmth,
~His grace
would youenjoy beating the shit out of her? and so she could also?
For me the whole point is that my Master may do what he wishes, at the end of the day I am lucky to have him. I am a new and unexperienced slave, still learning and I found this blog while trying to learn to please him.
We do have problems where I feel mentally and physically can not respond how my Master wishes. As I am quite new to being a slave, to totally submit is a challange and a joy. Now and again, as you said of yours, I stumble, but Master withdraws and then pushes me a little further each time. I have felt more joy and pleasure in the last few months then in my entire life.
I am lucky in that my (new and first) master sees me daily at work, as a strong independent women. He finds it amusing to occasionally switch from our ‘work’ selves to our reality, switching voice or look. It keeps some element of control still in my life and means he respects me as a person, while I know he can get control at any point.