From Trying To Being Master And Slave
I am comfortable with who I am, not only as a human being, but as an individual which is defined not only through his actions but also through the attributes that shape my life. My work probably influences the way I think about life more than anything else, after all it is a huge part of my personality. I feel that many couples coming into the lifestyle think about this not as an extension of their individuality but as roles they can simply assume. Some convenient, well defined set of attributes they can slip on and off at their choosing. I would argue that it is one of the delusions about what it means to be into BDSM or being in a Master and slave relationship.
True excellence is born not only through dedication, but because you are passionate about who you are, what you do or what you want to become. Those who have excelled throughout history not only had a notion of achievement to everything they did, they had and usually shared, a passion for a goal or an ideal. Pursuing that ideal, the idea, achieving it becomes a part of those who want to be what they believe in.
Being kinky, being passionate about being a dominant or being a slave is something that is part of my life just as much as it is part of my individuality. I could not stand up to my mother, to the rest of society and those who ridicule this lifestyle if it was just a role that I could conveniently lay to rest in a little drawer once it gets too tough or does not suit me anymore. The passion I feel for being who I am makes me want my slave to be happy, makes me want our blogs to be the most successful lifestyle sites on the internet, it drives me to be creative and it helps me to fight and educate those who belittle us.
How much of this is part of your individually and how much of those desires are sheltered in a role which you are trying to assume? Do you assume it only when it is necessary, only when it suite you, or is that role something that is a part of you?
Part of the problem is how we perceive the word role in modern society. In Sociology that word is clearly defined as:
the rights, obligations, and expected behaviour patterns associated with a particular social status.
Which should make us ask ourselves whether society has a social status for those that want to live their life as consensual, law abiding Master and slave couples. Without the social status there is no role or at least it seems to me to be a negative role no one would like to assume. To attain social status for this role, we all need to live it and make it a part of who we are. Only by showing that it is not harmful to the rest of society and that we slot in like anyone else, the customs and ideas we associate with our lifestyle can become common and thus achieve a status.
To me we are at a point where the BDSM community can no longer live vicariously through the achievement of others, we have to become who we are in our everyday dealings. I do not think that is unfair towards society and if we exercise common sense and caution I would not expect any of the behaviours inherent to this lifestyle to disrupt others. I will leave you with these thoughts, as I will have to ponder which behaviours I can bring into the public without disturbing those not used to me and who I am. I will try to post my ideas with my next blob of writing, in the mean time, leave me a comment and share your ideas.
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Wow! This I believe was your most moving entry. I could feel your conviction in this entry. This entry really moved me.
One small thing I do, which makes me feel better is respond with, “I’ll have to ask my Husband.“
It is a small conceit, and as a slave, I feel that it helps people I deal with in the world realize that there are still some women who treasure their husband’s opinions and decisions.
I am not ready to use Master in polite society.
So when a clerk asks if I want a credit card, I’ll respond, “I really should check with my husband before opening a new account.“
Or when she asks if I want this dress in red as well, I say, “My husband prefers me in blue.“
Just small ways to impress upon them that my husband matters to me, and is a greater authority than they are, or than I am.
Thank you for your thoughts.
Hey Quite a site you have here. Obviously a labor of Love. I stopped in to learn. Feel compelled to write, not looking to argue with anyone. With that said I understand your desire to be true to ‘Who you are’. As we go thru the different stages in life, things change. It used to be the only thing for sure was Death and Taxes (Tattoos are no longer permanent) My feeling is we have many roles parent, sister, Mother wife on and on. All I have to balance delicately. Or work roles. Someone who is a cop obviously should leave the job at the station. Remember, anyone they pull over on a traffic violation could potentially be a nut case who might panic and kill them. So they have to be vigilant, constantly on guard. They go home and deal with their wife kids hopefully in a very different way. (Just an example, I’m not into cops) Or maybe someones dream was to teach 1st graders. It was their ambition, their passion. Then they get into the lifestyle we discuss here. I don’t think they’d have their job for long if their PERSONAL life became known. Here in the U.S. its our culture, very much different say than say the Middle East or anywhere. I think I much prefer having the ability, the freedom to play different roles. Think I would grow bored if I had to do and act the same way 24/7. It brings a richness into my existence, a tapestry of sorts to have color in my life. Something to look forward to, use my imagination to dream up new scenarios. Like I said, not looking to argue, I respect all enlightened opinions…Peace
Medical Dictionary: role-playing
Home > Library > Health > Medical Dictionary
n.
A psycho therapeutic technique, designed to reduce the conflict inherent in various social situations, in which participants act out particular behavioral roles in order to expand their awareness of differing points of view.
I applaud your perspective that this is who we are , part of our “individuality” and I fully support this perspective. I recently had this discussion with a new submissive who unwittingly was drawn into a wannabe at an earlier time. I’ve also had this discussion with a straight amd semi vanilla friend on the East Coast.
The d/s lifestyle is not just a sometimes thing or role play simply for variety. Role play for that purpose can be done by some, but it is in fact role play in the context in which Master uses it … not true dominance and submission.
In the course of my discussions with the other two, I defined it as our psycho-sexual identity.
It is exactly that — our identity, not a just a specific physical act, acts, or an evening set aside for variety.
I have to also agree with Debi: Society is not receptive to open proclamations of alternate lifestyles, including BDSM. “Real life first” most immediately comes to mind. We have to do all the ‘normal’ daily stuff as members of the human race.
However, I believe we can and should educate others to the extent we can when the opportunity to do so presents itself. I do so at every opportunity to the extent I feel the listener is ready for. Granted, some degree of surprise is invariably shown, but most eventually respond with questions of their own. I’ve been surprised myself at the number of sporadic dialogues that have developed from comments I’ve made of only three or four words.
I’m happy to do so and intend to keep doing so.
Happy kinking, all!