I am comfortable with who I am, not only as a human being, but as an individual which is defined not only through his actions but also through the attributes that shape my life. My work probably influences the way I think about life more than anything else, after all it is a huge part of my personality. I feel that many couples coming into the lifestyle think about this not as an extension of their individuality but as roles they can simply assume. Some convenient, well defined set of attributes they can slip on and off at their choosing. I would argue that it is one of the delusions about what it means to be into BDSM or being in a Master and slave relationship.

True excellence is born not only through dedication, but because you are passionate about who you are, what you do or what you want to become. Those who have excelled throughout history not only had a notion of achievement to everything they did, they had and usually shared, a passion for a goal or an ideal. Pursuing that ideal, the idea, achieving it becomes a part of those who want to be what they believe in.

Being kinky, being passionate about being a dominant or being a slave is something that is part of my life just as much as it is part of my individuality. I could not stand up to my mother, to the rest of society and those who ridicule this lifestyle if it was just a role that I could conveniently lay to rest in a little drawer once it gets too tough or does not suit me anymore. The passion I feel for being who I am makes me want my slave to be happy, makes me want our blogs to be the most successful lifestyle sites on the internet, it drives me to be creative and it helps me to fight and educate those who belittle us.

How much of this is part of your individually and how much of those desires are sheltered in a role which you are trying to assume? Do you assume it only when it is necessary, only when it suite you, or is that role something that is a part of you?
Part of the problem is how we perceive the word role in modern society. In Sociology that word is clearly defined as:

the rights, obligations, and expected behaviour patterns associated with a particular social status.

Which should make us ask ourselves whether society has a social status for those that want to live their life as consensual, law abiding Master and slave couples. Without the social status there is no role or at least it seems to me to be a negative role no one would like to assume. To attain social status for this role, we all need to live it and make it a part of who we are. Only by showing that it is not harmful to the rest of society and that we slot in like anyone else, the customs and ideas we associate with our lifestyle can become common and thus achieve a status.
To me we are at a point where the BDSM community can no longer live vicariously through the achievement of others, we have to become who we are in our everyday dealings. I do not think that is unfair towards society and if we exercise common sense and caution I would not expect any of the behaviours inherent to this lifestyle to disrupt others. I will leave you with these thoughts, as I will have to ponder which behaviours I can bring into the public without disturbing those not used to me and who I am. I will try to post my ideas with my next blob of writing, in the mean time, leave me a comment and share your ideas.

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