I am com­fort­able with who I am, not only as a human being, but as an indi­vidual which is defined not only through his actions but also through the attrib­utes that shape my life. My work prob­ably influ­ences the way I think about life more than any­thing else, after all it is a huge part of my per­son­al­ity. I feel that many couples com­ing into the life­style think about this not as an exten­sion of their indi­vidu­al­ity but as roles they can simply assume. Some con­veni­ent, well defined set of attrib­utes they can slip on and off at their choos­ing. I would argue that it is one of the delu­sions about what it means to be into BDSM or being in a Mas­ter and slave relationship.

True excel­lence is born not only through ded­ic­a­tion, but because you are pas­sion­ate about who you are, what you do or what you want to become. Those who have excelled through­out his­tory not only had a notion of achieve­ment to everything they did, they had and usu­ally shared, a pas­sion for a goal or an ideal. Pur­su­ing that ideal, the idea, achiev­ing it becomes a part of those who want to be what they believe in.

Being kinky, being pas­sion­ate about being a dom­in­ant or being a slave is some­thing that is part of my life just as much as it is part of my indi­vidu­al­ity. I could not stand up to my mother, to the rest of soci­ety and those who ridicule this life­style if it was just a role that I could con­veni­ently lay to rest in a little drawer once it gets too tough or does not suit me any­more. The pas­sion I feel for being who I am makes me want my slave to be happy, makes me want our blogs to be the most suc­cess­ful life­style sites on the inter­net, it drives me to be cre­at­ive and it helps me to fight and edu­cate those who belittle us.

How much of this is part of your indi­vidu­ally and how much of those desires are sheltered in a role which you are try­ing to assume? Do you assume it only when it is neces­sary, only when it suite you, or is that role some­thing that is a part of you?
Part of the prob­lem is how we per­ceive the word role in mod­ern soci­ety. In Soci­ology that word is clearly defined as:

the rights, oblig­a­tions, and expec­ted beha­viour pat­terns asso­ci­ated with a par­tic­u­lar social status.

Which should make us ask ourselves whether soci­ety has a social status for those that want to live their life as con­sen­sual, law abid­ing Mas­ter and slave couples. Without the social status there is no role or at least it seems to me to be a neg­at­ive role no one would like to assume. To attain social status for this role, we all need to live it and make it a part of who we are. Only by show­ing that it is not harm­ful to the rest of soci­ety and that we slot in like any­one else, the cus­toms and ideas we asso­ci­ate with our life­style can become com­mon and thus achieve a status.
To me we are at a point where the BDSM com­munity can no longer live vicari­ously through the achieve­ment of oth­ers, we have to become who we are in our every­day deal­ings. I do not think that is unfair towards soci­ety and if we exer­cise com­mon sense and cau­tion I would not expect any of the beha­viours inher­ent to this life­style to dis­rupt oth­ers. I will leave you with these thoughts, as I will have to pon­der which beha­viours I can bring into the pub­lic without dis­turb­ing those not used to me and who I am. I will try to post my ideas with my next blob of writ­ing, in the mean time, leave me a com­ment and share your ideas.