I do not believe in ghosts, I have a hard time with reli­gion and where sci­ence fails to explain what might have tran­spired I will argue to myself that we are simply not advanced enough yet to under­stand an explan­a­tion that surely has to be there. I hold two sci­ence degrees and sep­ar­at­ing myself from the notion that almost everything can be explained sci­en­tific­ally is a very hard thing to do. It takes a very spe­cial les­son that the world can­not pos­sibly be that black and white. I had mine.

I do not know what it sounds like when a mil­lion voices speak to you, but I have an idea now how it feels like. Whether it was my enteric nervous sys­tem or not is some­thing that I am still debat­ing. Regard­less of which bio­chem­ical cock­tail pos­sessed my two brains to sing in uni­son I am happy how it turned out.
Many of you already know that we have been look­ing for friends and people to play with on Fet­Life. We have been very con­ser­vat­ive and met some people over the last few months. I can hon­estly say that we always enjoyed ourselves and we kept in con­tact with all of them. Never once did we take them home or had any­thing but a con­ver­sa­tion and a lot of good fun while meeting.

This time how­ever con­ver­sa­tion turned into hair pulling and that turned into a very inter­est­ing night which ended in a les­son for me and my brain to not always put the emphasis on what my brain tells me to do. For a lack or a bet­ter word let us call her kaja. We met her recently and I can say that it was a very dif­fer­ent exper­i­ence for me. My usual approach to BDSM and the people involved in the life­style is very ana­lyt­ical. Espe­cially with women I do not know, I rarely develop any­thing more than an interest to explorer more. It baffles me that I we ended up going home together and while the play was still fairly inno­cent there was a sub­stan­tial inter­ac­tion which is some­thing that has not happened in a very long time.
I touched another female sexu­ally. Since hav­ing been with my slave, even when we were phys­ic­ally apart, I had not done that. I had not done it because I never had felt the desire to do it and there were no women I wanted to exper­i­ence that with.

I like kaja a lot and while my body tells me that there is an under­ly­ing con­nec­tion that I can­not ration­al­ise I am not in love with her nor do I think that I can­not live without her. My feel­ings are more expressed in a will­ing­ness to care for her well being and to be con­cerned about her suc­cess. kaja is fairly young and that seems to make it easier for me to think of her much more as a play-toy than any­thing else, it might also trig­ger a cer­tain sense of pro­tect­ive­ness. I do not think that I could handle this devel­op­ing dynamic at the moment if I star­ted to think of her as a second woman in an exist­ent rela­tion­ship. There is a very dis­tinct hier­archy in my emo­tional struc­ture and I have found a way to slot her into that con­struct without dis­turb­ing what I have with my slave. What con­fuses me is the fact that it happened auto­mat­ic­ally and without much reflec­tion, it seems as if my brain and belly have con­spired. The rational part of me say­ing “Let me think about this and get back to you on that…” while my sub­con­scious answers the same moment “Yeah, do not bother with that, I have already taken care of it”.

The exper­i­ence has integ­rated itself into my life by bring­ing me excite­ment, fear and a renewed under­stand­ing of what it means to trust.

• Excite­ment — I believe that there is a huge poten­tial in kaja to be an excep­tional mem­ber of the BDSM world. She has a nat­ural tend­ency for enjoy­ing pain and she is very sub­missive when prop­erly addressed. I believe that she could make us or any­one else she meets in the future extremely happy. Because she is still very young and her life will only fill with more exper­i­ences over time I am intrigued in how far I can push these abil­it­ies. How much she will let me shape them.
• Fear — We fear the things we can­not under­stand, the things we have never exper­i­enced and this is com­pletely new to me. I am not cower­ing in a corner not want­ing to go any­where into the day­light but there is a slight tremble of fear, of con­cern in the pit of my stom­ach. I would think this is simply an early warn­ing sys­tem to indic­ate that some­thing might be going the wrong way. I will learn to ana­lyse and judge that feel­ing and act accordingly.
• Trust — I have to trust my slave more than ever before. I have to trust her that she will allow me to be a part of all the excite­ment, fear and doubt she might be exper­i­en­cing over this. I have to trust her that she can handle this con­fig­ur­a­tion of indi­vidu­als inter­act­ing. I have to trust her that she will always wear her emo­tions at the sleeve of her jacket, that she will clearly com­mu­nic­ate them so we can cor­rect any­thing that might cause prob­lems in the long run. On top of that I have to trust her to trust me. Everything I just men­tioned also applies to myself. I need to ensure that this is a recip­rocal under­stand­ing and not one sided.

Com­mon under­stand­ing of the world dic­tates that our per­cep­tion of time is lin­ear but not abso­lute. Time never stops and in our lives one event hap­pens after the other. Logic would dic­tate that to really get to know someone con­sciously you need to spend an amount of time with them which is pro­por­tional to how well you want to get to know them. With kaja this fun­da­mental rule of tem­poral mech­an­ics does not seem to apply. Either that means Einstein’s time dila­tion model from his spe­cial relativ­ity the­ory applies to more than just grav­it­a­tional masses or I am start­ing to ima­gine some­thing that I want to believe but does not exist yet. How­ever this entry is not about time travel but kink and the evol­u­tion of myself and my slave as well as kaja. I have decided that I will sus­pend my doubt and not ques­tion why I feel as if I know her fairly well, when I know we have only spent maybe a grand total of  40 hours together.

In the near future we will see kaja again and I know that it will be a very unique exper­i­ence for me. I do hope that this exper­i­ence will be spe­cial to my slave as well and I hope that kaja does not need to be asked. Simply because she should not be with us if we did not make it spe­cial enough for her. My slave has already cre­ated a set of house rules which will apply whenever kaja is with us in our home.
These rules are extremely import­ant to me, because I need her to under­stand that we are not like other people in the life­style. This is who we are and when she is with us, everything she does or says is taken into account in the con­text of who we expect her to be when she is with us. Just because we are sit­ting around, laugh­ing and talk­ing about the latest zom­bie movie does not mean that she then can sit on the couch and address me by my first name. How­ever when I bring a paddle out and she is over my lap, all of a sud­den I become Sir and her beha­viour changes sig­ni­fic­antly. When she is in our pres­ence whether that is in pub­lic or in the pri­vacy of our house I want to set clear expect­a­tions as to what is accept­able and what is not. I would like to cre­ate an envir­on­ment where she can feel con­trolled at all times but still com­fort­able. Right now we are spend­ing a lot of time under­stand­ing and talk­ing and ensur­ing that her com­fort level is not com­prom­ised while still enfor­cing what I ulti­mately want to achieve. In the spirit of those house rules I will sit down and cre­ate rules that will apply when she is in our pres­ence, regard­less of the loc­a­tion. Most of the rules will be for her own pro­tec­tion, for example that she has to wear her seat belt when sit­ting in the back, but oth­ers will be for my pleas­ure only.

kaja has a choice of play­ing with many and we would never man­date that she should only play with us. That is silly as it restricts the amount of exper­i­ence she can gather with oth­ers, in the end such exper­i­ences bene­fits us. It is my sin­cere hope that we can make her time with us so inter­est­ing, that we can provide all the pleas­ing exper­i­ences, so that it becomes no longer neces­sary for her to go and seek out oth­ers. That might never hap­pen though, I will let time run its course and then we shall see how it turns out.

My slave and I will surely keep you updated on what is going to tran­spire in the next few months. You can also read what kaja has to say on her brand new web-site. I hear she in the pro­cess of fin­ish­ing her first entry so if it is not there already, have a little patience and come back later. The future seems bright, I am look­ing for­ward to our next endevour.