photo credit: ^@^ina

I have been asked why I am not writ­ing. I will admit that I have no answer to that ques­tion. I under­stand that there are some out there who look for­ward to my entries and I feel flattered by that. The kind of writ­ing I do is not meant for me, it is meant to either edu­cate or bring a cer­tain amount of joy to those that read what I have to say. That brings a little bit of dilemma with it, as I nat­ur­ally do not tend to simply express an opin­ion, I try to cover a topic. Find­ing the right topic to speak on is some­times not easy. I have to feel as if there is some­thing left worth say­ing. With any­one being in a pos­i­tion of hav­ing a per­sonal lib­rary at their fin­ger­tips it becomes increas­ingly more dif­fi­cult not to regur­git­ate the same topic in a dif­fer­ent way. Often most of the dif­fer­ent points of views you could take on some­thing have been covered as well.

I believe that it would be easier if I simply took my own opin­ion, wrapped it around a cer­tain topic and then presen­ted it here. That cre­ates a void where my opin­ion obscures the facts and all of a sud­den my writ­ing will be left wide open to inter­pret­a­tions which might not inspire oth­ers to either read more or even try to dive fur­ther into this life­style. The writ­ing on this web-site can­not be intim­id­at­ing or por­tray­ing a pic­ture which can eas­ily be mis­read by an indi­vidual that has not had much expos­ure to the lifestyle.

A very good exper­i­ence is the idea around hav­ing a mas­ochistic little slut in our home. Someone that we are not truly attached to, someone that gets treated like an object , enjoys the pain and humi­li­ation that comes with it and gets tossed onto her door­step once we are done with her.
It seems like a per­fect topic to talk about. There is enough meat in there that I could prob­ably write more than one entry on how to best train her, find her, use her and then dis­pose of her. All that would of course be writ­ten from my own per­spect­ive, explain­ing what my expect­a­tions are and then how to go about mak­ing it hap­pen. Any­one famil­iar to the life­style will most likely inter­pret my intent clearly and under­stand that no harm can be done to that indi­vidual and that it will be in her and my best interest to ensure that she is emo­tion­ally sane and centred within this type of play. Indi­vidu­als who are not as famil­iar to this world of kink might eas­ily mis­in­ter­pret the intent and focus on the top­ics we are all famil­iar with. Abuse, emo­tional dis­tress, arrog­ance and ignor­ance which appar­ently comes with this type of interaction.

I am no stranger to cri­ti­cism and I wel­come it. Cri­ti­cism which is foun­ded on a con­struct­ive note pro­pels me for­ward, it allows me to ana­lyse my mis­takes and to learn from them, so that I might adjust my atti­tude and beha­viour for future improve­ments. The fact that I would be more read­ily expos­ing myself to the inter­pret­a­tions of indi­vidu­als already settled in the com­munity actu­ally makes me happy, there is a caveat though. Alter­ing per­cep­tion and espe­cially first per­cep­tions can be extremely dif­fi­cult. Every­one is famil­iar with the idea of a first impres­sion and that it will always remain a first impres­sion. When a less kink enabled indi­vidual comes to read about kink on this site I want them to have an exper­i­ence which is hon­est but not over­whelm­ing. Many of my per­sonal opin­ions, many of my wishes and the ideas sur­round­ing those wishes are extreme. They might be even con­sidered extreme by the most seasoned kink con­nois­seur and thus they are not some­thing that I would want to con­front a begin­ner with.

My try­ing to find a gentle slope on which a less kink enabled indi­vidual can ease him or her­self into the life­style might be doing the com­munity a dis­ser­vice, yet until we learn to be less opin­ion­ated and spend less time assum­ing as human beings I believe this is the right course of action.

My desire to enable oth­ers to enjoy the life­style is very deeply rooted in the core of who I am. I do not believe in play-time nor do I see myself ever to be part of a “scene”. I enjoy what I do and who I am and I do not sep­ar­ate those per­cep­tions apart. I am what I do when it comes to my under­stand­ing of the life­style and it still makes me a well respec­ted indi­vidual with a day job and a fam­ily that loves me. Even though the DSSM might dis­agree with me, I am well roun­ded and under­stand myself to be devoid of psy­cho­lo­gical prob­lems. I am really not someone you would want to send to the psy­chi­at­rist, simply because I will bore him to death with how nor­mal I am.  I love my slave and I care about her as human being just as much as I care about her being my prop­erty. Those are import­ant per­cep­tions which need to be com­mu­nic­ated first and fore­most. Trans­port­ing the aspects of sex, humi­li­ation, the degrad­a­tion and con­trol, the actual expres­sion of free­dom in the choices we make, our kink. That is very eas­ily done.

There are many indi­vidual blogs out there in the wild which chron­icle exactly those exper­i­ences.  They are writ­ten by fel­low dom­in­ants and fel­low submissives/slaves. Most of them are an excel­lent reflec­tion of that aspect of their life and many of them do not offer enough back­ground for a cas­ual reader to under­stand that this is the norm in our life­style, that it is nor­mal for indi­vidu­als as myself. There is no ref­er­ence to learn what the norm is and how we are des­per­ately try­ing to define our own norms while still attempt­ing to fit in with the norms soci­ety has set for us already.

The philo­soph­ical debate around what it means to be nor­mal has been raging for many hun­dred years and I am quite sure that it will con­tinue to rage on for another hun­dred. What is import­ant to me is that every­one who is a guest to this web-site under­stands my intent is to make them feel wel­come and to make my kink less scary to them. This medium which I util­ize to com­mu­nic­ate is all about me and I recog­nise that. It is an exten­sion of my wish for the oth­ers to be more inclined to listen before they shut down and reject this life­style as some­thing that is too unnat­ural to them and against everything that is decent and mor­ally acceptable.

I will con­tinue to drive myself fur­ther towards a place where I am suf­fi­ciently com­fort­able that I can write from a more edit­or­ial point of view. I do not want to be the one that repeats the same old state­ments about abuse, how BDSM must be prac­ticed in a safe man­ner, how we hon­our safe words and what other safety meas­ures are in place in a func­tion­ing rela­tion­ship or dun­geon setup.  I want indi­vidu­als to arrive at that recog­ni­tion through their own inter­pret­a­tion of my read­ing, the read­ing of my slave’s web-site and all the other resources out there.

I am sure that I can come up with inter­est­ing top­ics, some­times it simply takes a while longer. I would rather choose my words very care­fully than cre­at­ing an envir­on­ment that is not con­du­cive to learning.