photo credit: Martin Selva
I have been asked on my “Ask Me Questions” page to write an article explaining how I use my voice to control my slave. That is an excellent topic and I will assume that it is different for any BDSM dynamic out there. I am not a very loud person, I can get upset and I sometimes raise my voice, yet usually that happens as an outlet for energy and not as something that represents my current state of mind.
I am not big on actually commanding someone to do something. I will usually ask, even though my slave or pet my actually perceive it as a command. Personally I do not believe that there is much finesse or pleasure in yelling at someone, sternly commanding them to do something. There are very rare occasions when I will raise my voice just to make sure that it has been understood that we are no longer jesting and I expect something to be done at once. I do not like to repeat myself. That is somewhat a pet peeve of mine and pet as well as my slave know that, they react accordingly and usually I do not have to ask for something more than once. Those times when I have to it is simply due to the fact that we might have fooled around beforehand.
What I am trying to express is that I am rather gentle in the way that I communicate, whether that is with my slave or pet does not make a difference. I am sure that both of them are accustomed to my tone of voice and it is possible for them to judge by that tone how serious I am and what kind of reaction I am expecting. While I understand that these non-verbal acts of communication are undeniably more important than the actual content I am very mindful of mixing what I say with how I say it in a way that is easy going but still precise enough so that there are little to no misunderstandings. I am sure that how I say things and what I say has an immediate effect on my slave, I do not consciously use that though. The result is simply not predictable enough and as such I am really not interested in exerting control though that medium. I do not want to associate my control with the way I speak or what is being said. Just as much as I appreciate hearing my slave’s voice I want her to be always able to appreciate mine, without feeling trepidations that I might be saying something awful or painful to her.
I know that our voice can be used as a weapon, not only through what is said, but how it is said. I use that to my advantage when I play with pet, simply because I know that certain ways of speaking and from where you are talking to a human being can trigger behaviours or emotions. That is something I do, however I keep that to a very specific purpose.
I think that much has to do with the organic growth of our relationship and the fact that we had a long distance relationship for so long. Our voices were everything we had for most of the communication we have had during that time. That means we are naturally more tuned to each other than I believe many other couples would be. It is hard for me to describe how that influences our relationship and as mentioned before I do not actively use my voice to control my slave. That is a passive form of control which happens automatically based on what I say and how I say it.