Ever since being allowed as a guest in Canada I have mentioned to my slave and the new friends I have made here how unsatisfied I am with the driving skills most people exhibit in public roads. Especially when the weather starts to get a little bad most drivers become discombobulated and two things happen. You are either met with a slow down to a crawl because those who are unfamiliar with driving in adverse conditions slow down too much or you are met with individuals who are dashing from lane to lane through the traffic that has slowed down. While I find it sometimes annoying when traffic slows down I know it is a behaviour in those drivers that I should commend them for. If you are not sure of what you are doing, when you are not confident, then slow down what you are doing and be extra mindful.
That is a behaviour I would like to encourage in anyone! This is a behaviour that every dominant should make an inherent part of their character. There are enough risks involved with BDSM already and it is only smart to understand that we cannot be perfect at everything right away. While being dominant and understanding our needs might be something that is very much a part of us, the various physical acts many in the lifestyle indulge in are not. You have to learn how to throw a whip how to swing a flogger and how to snap a crop. You have to understand how knife play works and why asphyxiation is probably the most risky things you can do to your partner.
When you find yourself in an environment you do not feel comfortable in, when you believe there is outside pressure and you are not confident in your own abilities, then do not continue. Slow it down and think twice about what you are doing. This is especially true for those who might be a little younger and have an urge to impress the older folks in the community. I can assure you that no one will be impressed by you endangering either your partner or the play partner you are currently active with. The BDSM community might sometimes be a very hard one to get into, however there is little to no peer pressure that I have ever witnessed when it comes to ones abilities. Those of us who have special abilities share them openly and are proud to share them. You do not need to continue doing something you are not 100 percent comfortable with just because you believe it is going to leave an impression with someone. When playing, whether that is in your own home or in public, there is only one person you need to impress and that is the slave or submissive you are involved with.
I am a good driver. I had to go to mandatory driving school which is a prerequisite for getting your license in Austria and I have had additional driver’s education with performance driving schools and even a little glimpse at aggressive driving tactics to protect high value passenger. Even with all that driving I know my limitations and I know the limitations of my car. When the weather gets bad, I slow down and when the weather gets worse I find a place to stay. That is not because I am afraid of driving in bad weather, it is because I have learned to minimise risks and that is an ability every dominant needs to embrace.
Let us be geeky for a moment. Assuming my car weighs around 1873 Kilograms with passengers included and I travel roughly at around 27 meters per second (which is around 100Km/h or 60Mph) then the kinetic energy in my car is roughly as much as if I took a quarter of a dynamite stick and exploded it. Let us further assume I hit a wall or any other stationary, immovable object with my car while I am going 27 meters per second. Let us say it takes this object .5 seconds to stop my car. That means my car decelerates at 540 Meters per second and the Net Force applied to the wall equals 936500 Newtons. I know that sounds like a bunch of gibberish, so let me translate it. The amount of force you are smacking into that wall with is equal to around 54 times the weight of the car. Needless to say that it is probably safer to be in a soft bed in a hotel than in your cars driver seat.
It might not be as glamorous in numbers when we speak of the things we do to our partners during play time, yet some of the activities we indulge in are just as dangerous as driving irresponsibly in adverse weather conditions. Many of the activities are just as complex and inevitably lead to the same ultimate outcome when not treated with the proper respect. I need you to realise that there is no Euro NCAP tested steel frame doing its best to protect you, no airbags exploding and no brilliant engineering trying to preserve your partners life when it comes to playtime. There is only one person that can do that for your partner, which is you and you alone.
Do not be a bad driver when it comes to the BDSM vehicle you command. Do not be cocky, do not think that you have to prove something to yourself or those other people who are on the “road” with you and do not believe for a second that you are infallible. If it helps, picture yourself on a rocket sled with only a helmet on, while trying to steer safely up a winded road, whenever you feel the urge to go faster than you are comfortable with. No matter what play you indulge in, even though some forms of play allow more margin for error than others, you should never test yourself past the limit of what you know, what you know and are capable of doing safely. Being safe means that you are doing 80 percent of what you are capable of doing. being safe means that you leave sufficient room for error. Being safe means that you leave more distance than necessary by law to the guy that drives in front of you, so that you can stop well before hitting him.
Being a good driver, whether that is in your car on a public road or in a dungeon with your flogger is all about judgment and making clever decisions. For you to anticipate and predict as well as execute the right sequence of actions to be safe and “arrive” home with a smile on your face being conservative is not always a sign of protecting yourself from having fun. If you can learn to look at your abilities and the amount of fun you can have with those abilities as a linear progression then you will always be safe in the knowledge that you will be able to do more tomorrow. Every-time you are safe you have learned something and your 80 percent are suddenly much bigger than they were last time. Continuous learning enables continuous growth so that you can have a more and more fun without ever going to the 100 percent area. You cannot learn when you are dead or end up incarcerated, because that one time you did go to 100 percent hurt someone enough to harm them.
You’re absolutely on to something there.
I kind of think of it as Dom/mes really needs to earn their stripes before they can really call themselves such. I know a guy who has little to no practical experience in the lifestyle and yet believes he knows all. And it bugs me.
When talking he’ll tell me all the things he wants to do to me (regardless of the fact that I’ve never made any interest in him known) and has absolutely no consideration for me. He seems to be operating under some strange idea that I exist but to serve him (again, I’ve given him no reason to think I am interested) and that my body is only a receptacle for him – to use as he may.
Lets pretend for a moment I was interested in him. First and foremost I am a human being and as such my body has limitations. Perhaps I am jaded, perhaps I am spoiled – I serve my Dom in whatever way he requires but expect preparation first or enough care after to stop when I have pushed that line of what I can endure. For me, the Dom worth serving is the Dom who cares as much about me and my needs as I do him. An sometimes those needs are those of someone more vanilla – a hug, a kiss, a back rub, a “how was your day, honey?” I’m not a doormat or a barbie doll. He fails to realize that I wont be treated like either.
I really think of him more as a top and less like a Dom. But he disagrees. He is growing into his skin and soon enough he will find someone he wants to share this lifestyle and maybe she’ll be exactly what he wants. A vessel. I find it unlikely.
Sir,
I really liked that post. The little geeky paragraph certainly tickled the scientist in me (though, you didn’t mention friction in there…) Great topic to write about, and it’s always nice to see an update from you!
I think the same is true for the submissives who try to be perfect at everything right off the bat (which clearly didn’t work out for me.) You know that speed warning that beeps in your car when you go over a certain speed? I think everyone needs one of those, or rather, everyone should start taking note and listening to them. I am only just starting to notice mine, and I’m sure it will make for a better playtime =)
pet