You might not like what you are about to read. In fact it might alter your whole perception of this web-site. My time is spent not dwelling on topics which could introduce adverse reactions because what I am saying is based on opinion rather than fact. I enjoy peppering my articles with facts because it makes it hard for people to argue about what I am saying and then can instead focus on how I am saying it. Facts are still open to interpretation whoever the amount of room you have is a lot less when you communicate them.
Over the past couple of weeks I have had to have a heart to heart with myself and I find it quite appalling that your community seems to avoid its own issues.
We do not acknowledge the fact that abuse is still a rampant problem in the lifestyle. Whether that is emotional abuse, which seems to be far more common than people think, or physical abuse. It seems that our drive to “live and let live” vindicates behaviour which would normally land an individual in jail. Giving consent does not mean that due care and common sense are no longer a part of the picture. The amount of emotional abuse I have witnessed at munches, play-parties and even on-line is far beyond what I would deem acceptable or normal.
No one seems to acknowledge either that there is a disproportionate amount of individuals which have had psychological or physiological issues before they either entered the lifestyle or before they started a steady relationship. Granted that this is based on my observation and the observation of my slave and thus not a representative sample. However we are both well trained and smart individuals and I would argue that even if we did a wide-spread survey on exactly this topic my initial statement would hold up. This topic is rarely touched on as well. I wish we could provide better access to help with individuals trained to cater for those who are a part of the lifestyle but have to go through a very natural progression by facing their own demons. I have no idea whether your up-bring, the socioeconomic status of the friends or family have any impact on who ends up being kinky or not. I have met people from every walk of life that are into kink. The steel worker and the Account, the Lawyer and the factory worker. Is there a certain section on the socioeconomic scale which tips that scale to make on of the “groups” a majority of our lifestyle? Personally I believe so, but that is better left unsaid, because it truly is speculation and thus has no place here.
I have spoken before on the issue of weight as well, which I believe is a big part of the lifestyle. Our very strict policy of allowing and accepting almost everything has also lead us down a path that might be potentially dangerous to who we are as a society, regardless of whether we are a part of the lifestyle or not. I strongly believe that our evolutionary success built in fail guards as to what we accept as a good path in our growth and what we do not. So while in certain cultures a rubinesque woman was considered to be a sign of the family having access to good food and thus the likelihood of your offspring surviving was higher, I strongly believe that women and men with a healthy weight are naturally drawn to each other because something inside us recognises that as being healthy. Healthy parents can provide better for their children which means that they are providing a higher chance to survival to their particular strand of genes. Naturally our conscious mind and other limitations have overridden this behaviour and the current trend towards bigger is better and beautiful does not help this at all.
My slave has had to battle with weight almost every day of her life. So while I am fortunate enough to have a very well working metabolism by extension I have been fighting that fight with her. Before you make a comment on my opinion I would like you to consider that I have been a part of dealing with the downfalls of weight. Not only does it impact of her self confidence, not only doe sit impact on her willingness to be outgoing about her body it also impacts on her enjoyment of what others claim as a right to have so naturally. The pleasure of good food.
Not being able to eat what you want when you want to, because it is having a detrimental effect on your health is a huge burden to bear. I am proud that she does. However my slave is a minority. She truly has a physiological problem which makes it next to impossible to control her weight, despite the fact that she eats like a rabbit and works out like crazy every day. Most individuals that I have gotten to know in my life were plagued by weight issues because they either used it to mask other existing, emotional or psychological problems, or quite frankly because they loved to eat and not work out at all. Because they had no understanding of what nutrition is and because they failed to understand that it is important to eat the right amount of food.
This is not a rant on weight though. I will leave that to others. Being overweight is bad for you and that is something no one can argue with.Being overweight by 10 pounds increases the force on the knee by 30 to 60 pounds with each step. That is only one tid-bit of information you can find when you look into research done around weight and how it affects us when we leave the healthy band we should be in. I do not advocate dieting and unhealthy behaviour, but for ourselves we should be aware of what is a healthy weight for us and what is not. That is something everyone needs to figure out for themselves.
I also expect us kinky people to be aware of each other and when a friend of mine is starting to kill himself or herself by shoving too much food down their throat I will make sure they hear me. Whether that is public or not, really it does not matter. It seems to me that certain, controversial, topics are methodically avoided whenever I go to a munch or a play party. THere is no shame in wanting to protect the ones you love and there is no shame in wanting to create an environment which is better for everyone in the end. Well controlled and politely enforced peer pressure is a good thing and not a bad one in a society that has completely forgotten what it means to gave a little bit of discipline.
It seems to me that almost everything has become acceptable. When you dare to speak out about something not being acceptable you are either condemned to being “old school” or not accepting enough.
I am definitely old-school then. Something that has worked for hundreds of years does not need to change just for the sake of changing. I will always open the door for any female. Whether she likes it or not. The same is something I apply to having courtesy and being disciplined. IN a society where everything is easy to attain and where you are not longer held accountable for the actions you perform, that is the only thing that keeps us from sliding into complete gluttony.
I love who I am. I love to be around people who understand me, my desires and my cravings and something inside me wants to protect who we are and what we stand for. If we are the ones who have been battered by the remainder of society for who we are, then should we not at least have the ability to be honest with each other and to address the issues we are facing openly?
I think I am angry at myself for being so complacent. I think I am angry because I thought being quiet is the better approach and not ending up as enemy number one of the kink world is the right thing to do. That thought was wrong. I really do not care if I end up being the most hated man in the kink world. I do not care whether my visitor count goes to zero tomorrow. I do not care, because if I can only reach one person and make them aware of what is going on around us, then I am happier than I now.
Political campaigning never was my thing. Putting myself in the cross fire of public opinion just seemed so inefficient to me. Maybe it is time to retire that thought process and express myself better. I am very concerned about some of the emotional abuse that I have seen in the community and I will try to research whether there is a way to offer help. Maybe I can stir the pot enough to found something along the lines of “Kinky And Against Emotional Abuse”. I fully anticipate to get some rather poignant comments on this post. I want you to be assured to none of them will be deleted or censored. I very much believe in the freedom of press and I believe in your giving your opinion uncensored on this web-site.
So you want to preach to tohers about what they eat and weigh but your whore is off the hook because she is ‘in a minority with a physiological problem’?
You’re a self righteous asshole.
As I mentioned in my post I am not going to censor any comment left. However let me dissect this comment a little. First of all I would like to point out that a little common courtesy goes a long way. Referring to my slave as a “whore” is something I reserve for myself and unless you paid her money for sexual services rendered I do not believe you have any right to do so. Furthermore you should not assume that my slave is happy with her situation. We are doing everything possible, medically and within her control to reduce her weight to safer levels. That is a lot of work and takes time.
I would also like to understand where I was preaching to other about their weight. The act of preaching seems to be reserved to ministers and I am not a minister, nor does this have to do anything with religion. I am merely pointing out the fact that being overweight can be quite problematic for your health. That is not something new either. What I am mostly interested in, is that we protect each other, that we protect our relationships by being around for the longest time possible. Loosing someone is very traumatic and I would not want anyone to go through that feeling when it can be avoided or the likelihood can be avoided.
As to me being an asshole. Yes I am, I have heard that many time, whoever it does not alter anything that I have said.
If you’re going to trot her out as an exception with a ‘physiological problem’ while make the weight of others your business, you should to be prepared for others to tell you and your whore to fuck off.
What other people weigh is none of your fucking business.
As already pointed out the use of whore is uncalled for.
Just because you are obviously hurt by another’s opinion does not mean you need to continue to make yourself look like the douche bag ass hole you make the author out to be.
You’r stupidity is showing….
I have to say I quite enjoy your thoughtful comments. Let me correct one thing though. I am not throwing my slave around as “the” exception, it is a fact that she is an exception. Individuals with true physiological issues which impact on their ability to regulate weight properly are unfortunately the exception and not the norm. That goes for both sides, being over weight or being under weight, or in her case both. Depending on what her thyroid chooses to do or not do.
Your personally weight I really do not care about. I care about the effects of obesity. Have a look here http://www.britannica.com/EBchecked/topic/591185/therapeutics/22214/Obesity#ref=ref282360 and then tell me that those are not awful diseases which can be affected by your weight. My weight is not perfect, I could loose a few pounds. Because I love myself and I love my slave that is exactly the reason why i am going to the gym tonight and why I have changed my eating habits.
Screw You
Oh my goodness. To begin, allow me to say I am his slave. Addressing me as “his whore” certainly shows a lack of respect and common courtesy from you.
My Master does not excuse my weight issues. On the contrary. I fluctuate in weight, I go high, I go low. I have been every extreme and never once has he excused my weight. He has been honest with me. He has expressed his concern for my health and I have expressed it as well. Being overweight is not healthy. It never is. People who believe being over weight is healthy simply are misinformed. Being underweight is not healthy either so it is not about being skinny. It is about having a healthy BMI, about being aware of unhealthy life choices.
I find it interesting how your sole focus is on the weight topic that Master spoke of and not the abuse he mentioned as well. You obviously placed blinders on and only allowed yourself to read that particular part. You did miss though the fact that he said he is not here to rant about weight but rather about being healthy.
HEALTHY!
I, just like Master, appreciate everyone’s opinion and understand people will view his words in many different ways. The reality is though, this is his opinion, this is my opinion and probably many others.
Wishing you the best.
~His slave
I am not one to usually comment on others opinions and views but this really got a fire going in my belly. Screw you’s comments really infuriated me firstly for the total lack of respect by calling your slave a whore, who is this bloody fool to judge??? Secondly to comment on another’s struggle with weight due to a medical issue without the knowledge of what that is like to deal with it every day of your life just goes to show what an idiot screw you is.
Yes you are opinionated but look at just how widespread this problem is. When children are so obese they are taken into care in order to try and reverse the death sentence thier parents have bestowed upon on them. You obviously love and care enough for your slave to travel this road with her, help her and in turn saving her life.
I am diabetic and my weight is detremental to my health and I contantly struggle with it. My Master watches what I eat, what time I eat and my medication, so much so that when he is away working he wakes me at 5am to get me up to eat, so I do not go to long without food. He spanks me if I neglect my health (which I am sometimes prone to do) and he feels justified in punishing me.
Why does he do all this? because he loves me, cares for me and owns me. My Master does not want to see me suffer from any of the complcations connectd with this disease. And ulitmately Master does not want loose me prematurely.
So you keep voicing your opinion and what you so passionatley feel about it.
Thank you very much. I am glad to to ear your side of the story. I agree that I have an opinion. That is the premise of this article. I would like to understand better how I can come across as being opinionated though. Being opinionated is often defined as
and I do not feel as if I am doing that. Not in this post and not in others. I am always willing to discuss with my readers and adjust my preconceived notions.
My appologies, by opinionated I meant you felt strongly about your subject matter, I did not mean to imply you were stubborn or unreasonable in your views. I am duly repremanded
Master is away at the moment but has told me to get a dictionary and after he has put it accross my ass, I can learn the meaning of a few words.
I’m a new reader and I can honestly say I didn’t mind this post. Yes, I suppose there was a little bit of preaching but it was obvious you did it for the right reasons. Sometimes someone needs to be the one to buck up and say what needs to be said.
I’m in this lifestyle and I struggle with my weight. I go to the gym and have been doing my best to try to get into a BMI-healthy weight. It is far from easy- and you get that. As a matter of fact it does impact self-esteem and how comfortable one is with participating in certain activities. It’s hard to be “all the domme you can be” when you’re secretly worrying if your current outfit is flattering enough. Then of course from the sub side of things it can definitely stop you from wanting to serve in front of anyone, even your own partner depending on the day.
Thank you for your courage in discussing these topics. Addressing our problems is the first step to changing them.
Hello and thank you for your comment. I find that very encouraging as you know best how it is, you are a part of the change that you want to be. I find it odd though that whenever someone speaks of a topic with passion it is mistaken for “preaching”. Not that I mind, whatever people want to see it as, that is what it shall be for them. I speak about this with passion because I am affected by it and because it is somewhat of an artificial taboo in our society. We need to be speaking up and that is the change we can influence then.
I am a masochist, but I am not an emotional masochist. Even though I do not carry much emotional baggage (no one is free of it), I feel very fortunate that my Sir does not use emotional manipulation as a form of control (play, perhaps occasionally, but not control).
I have witnessed this form of abuse firsthand many times, and it makes my skin crawl. Its effects go far deeper and last much longer than (most) physical abuse. It is not just a BDSM problem. “Vanilla” relationships are poisoned with it as well. I only wish the abused would truly believe “You don’t need to put up with that.” *sad sigh*
I happened upon your blog today and really appreciated this post. The bravery you displayed in posting on issues that you knew may draw a negative response showed how passionate you are on these topics and your genuine concern. I enjoyed reading this post. Thank you for expressing your opinion so openely.
Thank you. I am never concerned about posting my opinion, more often it simply causes more unrest than it does good. In this case it was necessary though. I hope you will become a frequent reader.
After shifting through a lot of BDSM articles, websites, and blogs i must say that you are the first person I’ve read that was so blunt and truthful of these topics. Wanting people safe and healthy is never a bad thing.
As a fat girl, I find no offense. I haven’t always been the fat girl though. I have always been on hte upper end of a healthy BMI, because frankly I look gross too thin. I do go anually for a full physical, and have always been in very good health. No problem with cholesterol, diabetes or anything of the like.
As of right now, I am 20 pounds to heavy. It was a combination of starting college (lots of sitting!) and two serious surgucal procedures that left me unable to walk. So I am 20 pounds “fat”.
I used to run a lot, it was my escape and I loved it. After having various situations over the last few years, running was no longer possible. A dislocated knee, a serious sprain, sacro-iliac disease, I can no longer run. But I can walk! And walk I do. I love to be outside and it leaves me empowered. Nothing like 5 miles to pump me up.
Now as a fat girl, it digusts me to see people who are morbidly obese. The kind of people who no longer care. It doesn’t disgust me they are obese, on the contrary, it disgusts me they have so totally given up on themselves. I can only blame myself for what happens with my body, but in such I need to care about my body. I have 4 children I want to see grow. With hopes of a nother in the future. The idea I could literally “eat myself to death” with no self control scares me.
I don’t have any off limit things I eat, I enjoy in moderation. Anyone should be able to eat a piece of cheesecake, and enjoy it, without eating the whole cake.
A few years a go I was put on a medication that made me gain 100 pounds. My docotr felt this was “ok”, so I took myself off the medication. Being 100 pounds over weight is not good for anyone. It took 9 months to get rid of that weight, but I did it eating 3 healthy meals a day and exercising. And this time, I will use the same tools to get rid of my nasty twenty pounds.
Anyway, thats my two pennies worth on weight.
So, I started reading your post and I was really happy that it was going to be about abuse within BDSM relationships. And then I realised it was just another insulting diatribe on why fat people are subhuman and I stopped reading. I’m not going to lecture you on why what you’re saying is wrong and hurtful, because you have made evident that you are closed off to oppositional views on the stuff you’ve spouted here and deemed to be “facts”. I only hope your slave isn’t suffering because of your attitude toward fat.
I do not say this often, but I really do not have anything to reply to this comment. It seems to me that you have clearly not understood the intention of my writing. I would very much recommend that you read it again. Thank you for coming out though.
I don’t believe that you got the intended message from this posting, try reading it again. He seemed very much concerned and loving towards his slave and her efforts with her weight.
I found it refreshing, frank and honest, a wonderful change from the sugar coated, “politically correct” statements that are typical when discussing the obesity epidemic.
Cricket
K,
Allow me to ease your mind with regards to Master and how he treats me. To begin though allow me to say had you actually finished the entry, instead of merely stopping short you might have learned that Master is not berating, insulting or labelling people who have weight issues as subhuman. In fact I re-read Master’s entry yet again to see if I had missed such a word and never in any of his entries over the years has he _ever_ called or insinuated such a thing. That was an assumption made on your parts and well, anyone who knows me knows how much I dislike people assuming.
Master has only ever supported and encouraged me. He has spoken words of praise and admiration towards my efforts with regards to weight and never have I felt as though he treated me like less of a person, on the contrary.
This article is not about obesity or starving oneself, it is about abuse, of all types and how as a society we tend to sit back and simply watch and yes even encourage unhealthy, abusive behaviours.
I do not believe either me or Master is closed minded; however, the mere fact that you did not continue reading only demonstrates an unwillingness you have towards other people’s views and opinions.
I encourage you to read the entry again and perhaps ask questions instead of pointing fingers. We are always open for debate and discussion.
All the best,
~His
I have been reading Your articules for a long while but have just now plucked up the courage to reply to any of Your posts. I myself am struggling with being over-weight for about a year. My Master was a truck driver with a horrid company and all there really is at truckstops is fast food. For a year there were… money issues so W/we had to eat cheap. But now that He is no longer driving Over The Road, I am at home and able to eat better and exercise more.
Thank You for posting this particular article. It has finally helped me open my eyes about just how much work I need to do, not only for my Master but myself as well. I have been in lets say denial about just how much I had gained in that year of eating nothing but fatty foods. Since I haven’t been exercising for longer then a year, I have been starting slow. Maybe to slow. I am 50lbs over weight. My Master started me out on the really easy level.. Do Y/you have any advise on how I should start my exercises, what level and how many/long depending on the type?
Oh, and Screw You… I have also been secretly reading her blog and let me tell ya. From just her writings you might want to change your outlook on the woman. Anyone judging another or calling names is just plain rude and disrespectful especially when they are premature judgments and feelings.
Thank You again for the wonderful posts.
Since I have never attended a munch or a play party or a public event re this lifestyle, I don’t know what sort of abuse you refer to, but I imagine it is disrespectful and unkind, unwanted behaviour. BDSM and D/s are quite sophisticated concepts and my contacts are limited to those I find refined and knowledgable about the great benefits of this lifestyle to those whose natures are submissive or dominant. I have obtained great pleasure, peace and joy from making use of BDSM concepts in my life.
Like you, I abhor the notion of abuse and can only imagine it was a most unpleasant experience to watch. Personally, I feel that all I can do is talk about BDSM as I experience it and hope that readers experience my positive thoughts and outcomes in some measure, too.
I enjoy reading your blog.