Her Owner

I have not written for a while. That does not mean I enjoy being who I am less, it simply means that there is less to share. Maybe I have come to a cross roads where I no longer know what I should share and how it should be shared so that it has value to anyone else but me. Over the last couple of months I have come to realise that I enjoy being with my slave and that I believe we will grow further. That we are not somewhere held captive in a shell that needs breaking. I believe there is room for us to expand and that the environment we are in is going to grow with us. I have learned that I am very careful when it comes to choosing friends. We have met individuals that I respect and I hope that I can grow the relationship we have into something that one could call friendship. It is good to have those who are close to you in thought and can relate to you on every level. I have learned that I need to realise my business dreams and that I will have to make sacrifices if I ever want to be successful on my own. I have learned that I am bored by the general kink community. I am bored by the arrogance and the clique like behaviour. I am bore by the never ending barrage of opinions and I am bore by the utterly predictable pack behaviour whenever the community comes across an opinion they do not like or understand. I am tired of individuals not capable of reading full sentences and actually comprehending their meaning without jumping to conclusions first.

I have learned that pet is a part of our life and while I know that she will move on eventually I would miss her. I have also learned that I appreciate fucking other women and I appreciate my slave even more for actually enjoying that with me. I have learned that there is pleasure in sharing such an intimate act without having to think twice about possible emotional repercussions. I have learned that it takes a while to be that comfortable with each other, that it is hard and that it requires a lot of open and honest conversation. This has also taught me that you do not need to be polyamorous, that you you can still enjoy another woman without needing to share your love.

I have learned that I like working out and that I am more vain than I thought. I have learned that making such work outs a part of my routine not only makes me healthier, it also makes me happy. I have come to understand that achievement comes in many forms and that my arrogance is something that is not always helpful. I have learned that there is a calm presence in being humble and that I can learn from that state of mind, that I should be in that state of mind more often. I have learned that I can respect others for who they are without having to like what they do, that I am allowed to have my own opinion and that there is nothing wrong with others not understanding the separation between what is my internal opinion and what I reflect to the outside world.

I have learned that I need to groom my emotions better and that I have to learn to shed a tear now and then, because otherwise one day that artificial barrier will break and I will drown in that reservoir of tears. I have learned that my frustration can be channeled into a will to move on and that it is sometimes defiance that makes you strongest. I have learned that I will need much more time to be truly happy in Canada, that the transition will be not as smooth and easy as I thought it would be. I have learned that I was a Nomad most of my life and that settling down and building a home is harder than I thought it would be.

I have learned that Kandy was special in so many ways, that she was one of a kind and I have learned that it makes me sad that I never got to really meet her, at least give her a hug. I have learned that I will never stop seeking, that I will always encourage my slave to be a partner in that search for another dolly. I have learned that I really want to experience that with my slave.

I have learned that I am a better handyman than I thought I was and I have learned that working with wood is a lot of fun. I have learned that I would love to continue making paddles, for myself and for my friends, those unique pieces will reflect a part of me for them and for myself.

I have learned that even I get tired, that I get emotionally exhausted and that providing is sometimes harder than one thinks. I have learned that from that realisation comes a strength that cannot be measured in scientific terms and that hope and faith are strong pillars to stand on.

I have learned that I am fortunate, that I have so much more than others and that I should be thankful for that and share as much as I can. I have learned that I am a good Owner and that I want to share my life with others. I have learned that now is the time to realise myself and continue on with my passion for kink, the kinky lifestyle and everything that has to do with it.