Answers

Please try to only ask one question when you press submit. However feel free to ask as many as you want.

1. Rating: +1

   

   How did you find your way into the lifestyle? What is your great challenge(s) as a Master?

   I owe my way into the lifestyle my passion for reading and the fact that my mother has always kept a wide variety of books to my disposal. So I did read about the Marquis de Sade just as much as I learned about the Story of O and Ananis Nin as an author. Apart from that I was always allowed to roam the Internet and as I got older it provided a wealth of information which then prompted me to further research with local groups. I never decided what I am, whether I am a dominant or not, I simply know what I am and I think that this is my natural behaviour.

   My biggest challenge to this day is to ensure that my love for the slave that I own does not cloud my judgement when it comes to her training and further development as my property. I would not want those feelings to interfere with what is best for her as my slave. I guess that being patient and seeking out your pleasure with that one perfect slave you are looking for is another challenge.

2. Rating: -1

   

   First, thank Y/you for Y/your extremely interesting, compelling, informative blogs. i am curious as to whether ot not Y/your relationship was founded from its origins on the roles of master and slave? Or whether, for example, it began on some other ground and then eviolved or switched to this form and these roles?

   First, allow me to thank you for the time you take to read my journal. Second, all questions are welcomed without judgment and I wish to answer your angst with only honesty.

   I respect your tears but I wish to express to you, from what you shared with me, there is nothing wrong with you. I completely understand the fear of failure and it was my most challenging obstacle to embrace and overcome with my Master. I wish to explain, from my perspective, the fear of failing is in strong correlation with a fear of trusting. I remember engaging in numerous conversations with my Master about how I simply needed to "obey" and not to worry about failing a task and I would sit, flustered, overwhelmed with emotion and enduring what can only be described as "hitting my head against a brick wall". I was often discombobulated when Master would repeat the same sentence over and over again, "just obey" because I felt as though he was not listening to me, to _my_ need to be perfect.

   Master and I struggled together for approximately one year, working through my feelings of inadequacy, when finally through a very emotional training session, I realised my insecurity of failing truly came from my unwillingness to place trust in Master. Master constantly told me that the only way I would fail is if I did not try. He spoke only words of encouragement, trying to soothe my worried brow and yet I refused to believe him; to have trust that his actions would mirror what he spoke.

   My trust issues with Master interfered with so many other challenges but this was by far the largest. You see, for me, the fear of not being perfect, made me question whether or not Master would love me if I failed? I pondered that thought for far too long but once I came to terms with my own insecurities I became open to Master and trusting him; believing him, has never been an issue since.

   I can only speak on my experience but I have often found my fears stem from within and not from actions of anyone else. I trust Master, unconditionally, but I will stress that Master has always reinforced that my imperfections are not failures as long as I try. Master also has never punished me for my "failures" (my word, not his); on the contrary. During those times when I have tired but alas not reached my goal, Master has praised me, congratulated me and reminded me just how very loved I am.

   I am a slave who relishes in praise and knowing my efforts mean more than a goal reached ensures my level of trust and my continual growth of obedience.

   Do not give up on yourself. Listen to your heart. Respect your feelings and love.

3. Rating: +1

   

   Where did you learn things like the art of safe and effective bondage? Was it difficult in the beginning to establish trust boundaries and pain threshold boundaries with your slave?

   Learning new skills is something I do like anyone else. I either read up, usually using books as my source as I really do not trust the internet for much more than a quick hint at the information and then I go and seek out people who have done this. At the moment I am looking to learn more about traditional japanese rope bondage and I will utilise the courses offered by this dojo.
   As for your second question, I cannot answer it. The relationship my slave and I are leading has developed very slowly and over time I have learned through observation what I can and cannot do. Not only because I do not ever negotiate with my slave, but also because I would not know how to go about it. Developing trust is born out of my actions towards her and pain thresholds are determined by what I observe. Apart from of course always using a new toy on myself first to understand the amount of damage I could be inflicting.

4. Rating: -1

   

   Dear friend, Can you help a sincere person with a question? My wife is sexually submissive, and I have no clue as to how to be "dominant." And her frustration is growing. She finds it difficult to discuss her dearest desires directly, so I’ve been guessing and sort of making things up as I go along. She likes some kinky stuff (restraints, ice, to be given "orders", etc.) but not pain. She’s seeking to be controlled and to surrender her choice in sexual activity so as to enjoy it more. I’ve always been taught to be respectful to women and I have a hard time overcoming the thought that this is degrading to my beloved (even though she desires it.) We are deeply in love but this disconnect between our outlooks is causing friction in the bedroom. So I’m writing in hope that you would be willing to share your specialized skills, years of expertise and advice. I’m not clear on whether she wants to call me “sir” or by name, nor am I certain when and how to throw the switch from daily life to D/S fantasy. I want to be able to provide her with an exciting variety of experiences, so where can I find scenarios and ideas to please her? I would really appreciate your thoughts on how a devoted “vanilla” lover can transform into the dom of his woman’s dreams/ Ready to practice those knots.

   I can understand your predicament and even I am still sometimes struggling with certain acts when it comes to showing respect towards women. What I would recommend for you and her is that you agree on a certain scenario and then act upon it. This is something that you will need to carefully arrange, because it will help you to learn more about her needs.

   Many people start out with over the knee spanking scenarios. I would also suggest that you look up what a safe word is and how you can engage in basic rule setting scenarios.

5. Rating: +0

   

   I had a conversation with my Master after reading one of your slave’s blogs. It opened my mind and somehow it brought tears to my eyes because I knew then that I was doing something wrong. My Master explained to me that a slave is not to question, she is not to worry about failing… a slave is to just focuses on obeying her Master. If she fails she fails but she tried and that’s what matters. I always focus on the failing part and what he said hit me like a rock. I guess this question is addressed to your slave and you too (mostly your slave though). Did you also think about failing your Master? Did you also get a shock when/if he told you that that’s not what’s important? I love pleasing my Master but I’m scared to do so at times, is it that I haven’t given him 100% of my trust? I just feel as though I’ve gone about being a slave the wrong way because I do question, I do worry and I do “nonono” a lot. What should I do to get back on the right track?

   First, allow me to thank you for the time you take to read my journal. Second, all questions are welcomed without judgment and I wish to answer your angst with only honesty.

   I respect your tears but I wish to express to you, from what you shared with me, there is nothing wrong with you. I completely understand the fear of failure and it was my most challenging obstacle to embrace and overcome with my Master. I wish to explain, from my perspective, the fear of failing is in strong correlation with a fear of trusting. I remember engaging in numerous conversations with my Master about how I simply needed to "obey" and not to worry about failing a task and I would sit, flustered, overwhelmed with emotion and enduring what can only be described as "hitting my head against a brick wall". I was often discombobulated when Master would repeat the same sentence over and over again, "just obey" because I felt as though he was not listening to me, to _my_ need to be perfect.

   Master and I struggled together for approximately one year, working through my feelings of inadequacy, when finally through a very emotional training session, I realised my insecurity of failing truly came from my unwillingness to place trust in Master. Master constantly told me that the only way I would fail is if I did not try. He spoke only words of encouragement, trying to soothe my worried brow and yet I refused to believe him; to have trust that his actions would mirror what he spoke.

   My trust issues with Master interfered with so many other challenges but this was by far the largest. You see, for me, the fear of not being perfect, made me question whether or not Master would love me if I failed? I pondered that thought for far too long but once I came to terms with my own insecurities I became open to Master and trusting him; believing him, has never been an issue since.

   I can only speak on my experience but I have often found my fears stem from within and not from actions of anyone else. I trust Master, unconditionally, but I will stress that Master has always reinforced that my imperfections are not failures as long as I try. Master also has never punished me for my "failures" (my word, not his); on the contrary. During those times when I have tired but alas not reached my goal, Master has praised me, congratulated me and reminded me just how very loved I am.

   I am a slave who relishes in praise and knowing my efforts mean more than a goal reached ensures my level of trust and my continual growth of obedience.
   Do not give up on yourself. Listen to your heart. Respect your feelings and love.

6. Rating: +0

   

   From reading yours and your slaves blog, it is apparent that you are very fixiated on anal intercourse. What is it that attracts you to anal? How does it differ in sensation versus vaginal intercourse?

   While I dislike the choice of word and do not think that I am "fixated" I will admit to prefering ass fucking over cunt fucking. There are numerous reasons. As you eluded to, it feels different. While fucking the asscunt isusually a less gliding sensation and often a slightly different sensation to the cockhead it differes also in terms of depth and power necessary to move my cock.
   Anal sex is furthermore attractive to me, because I simply like how it looks, a slightly opened asscunt, the slit of the cunt below and the motion of drilling into that hole is simply appealing to me. I would also think that it has a certaina mount of humiliation to it, not only because the best position to fuck an asscunt is probably doggy style, but also because it is a hole that mother nature probably never intended for this type of use. As such it is alien and takes away from the slave, making it even more mine and surrendering it to the use I have chosen for it. I hope this answers your question ~M~. Thank you for asking!

7. Rating: +0

   

   I have just met a very good slave and have been trying to start a relationship with her, but she keeps asking me " what pleases me ". I am having trouble with this because I don't know what she wants me to say.

   Unfortunately I cannot tell you what is pleasing to you. However imagine this scenario for a moment. An individual has devoted her life and joy to serving other people pies. Now one day she finds somone that is more important to her than anyone else and she asks him what pie he likes best. It does not matter what hardship she has to go through to make his kind of pie, what is most important is that it is the pie which pleases him most. Which makes him happy and brings him joy. It is important because that is the satisfaction and joy the pie making girl is seek for.

   This is exactly what your slave is asking from you. A way to derive pleasure from your well being, from your joy and the knoweldge that she is useful to you. Why don't you start with something small, for example. "It would please me if you wore your hair like this and that".

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